Am I a Giver or an Enabler?

Am I a Giver or an Enabler?

-I cannot be both-

by Maria (Ehma) Porpio

"Teeth grinding, sweating, and trembling, all emotions invested which increased in my heart rate are because of a person who never paid what she owed. I gave her some money to start, loaned some and co-signed for her because she promised to pay. Now she just disappeared. I don't deserve this. After all, I was the one trying to help. I tried to be generous." This trend didn't just happen to me once or twice. It was a thing that occurred every time a new acquaintance comes along. And the phrase, “I want to give" resounds continually. I never learned. After all, I am a giver or I thought I was. But how can I be a cheerful giver without hurting myself or my recipient? Wait, did I say hurt the receiver? Yes, indeed! Our giving can be enabling. As I have contemplated on this for several years, I've found answers from the Bible and several books written by Dave Ramsey. Have you in your lifetime felt being the victim instead of the victor in giving? Hence, Read on! I've gathered steps to guide me through this fine line and with hopes others will benefit from them too: 

1. It is not right for me to give if I give to exhaust myself of love, time and treasure.

-In the Blood Bank, we see patients turned down from a scheduled liver, heart or lung transplant. An excitement to find a donor is not usually suggested because of a possibility that the organs are not viable. So even a donor who's generous enough to give a part of himself cannot be good enough if the donated organ is not at its best. This goes too for a donation through money, time and love. For God said, “love your neighbors as you love yourself." He demands to love ourselves first so we can love our neighbors. What do we have to give if we don't have anything? Now, before you spend all of your life savings for the whims of family members who are very much able to support themselves, think first.

2. If I give to substitute love, I am therefore enabling.

-When we talk about giving, immediately, what comes to mind is money. We have to remind ourselves that we can give as richly of our time and love. A parent who is guilty because of the time spent away from the children will buy more expensive toys. The love or time the children need can never be substituted with anything other than love or time. Children who grow up to have spent more time with their parents are more likely to feel the stability and never entitlement. Children who see their parents more often than they see the faces of money are more likely to grow into a more responsible individual who loves himself and not the ones who tends to find love in others to complete them.

-I lost the privilege to truly give hope and guidance because I didn't know better. I gave money instead thinking that could change lives for the better forever. 

3. I am NOT a true giver if I give to justify my feelings.

-I hear stories of moms, aunts and friends who give out of obligation and when the time comes that they're unable to give, they become the worst person on earth. What message have they sent their receiver all along? As always, God loves a cheerful giver and usually we love to give because we are moved not because we are guilty or scared.

-Luke 21:4 "All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth, but she out of her poverty, put in all she have to live on."

4. If I give for Applause, what do you think that makes me?

-Matthew 6:2 "So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full."

5. Mark 12:17 "Give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar, and give to God what belongs to God."

- From the book,Smart Money, Smart Kids by Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze,"We are only steward of God's creation." We don't own anything on earth, not even our money or talent. We are simply tasked to manage it. If we think of it this way, would we not have the will to do better at it? Would we not allocate it more purposefully as God wants us to? After all, He owns all these. So, isn't it appropriate to distribute the money to whatever pleases Him? 

We are temples of the Holy Spirit and so it is fitting that we take care of ourselves in the same manner we do to others. Giving of tithes are suggested only 10%, not a 100, not even 75, simply because the rest is intended for our daily bread and shelter. We are assigned as stewards to take care of everything starting ourselves. Let us continue to fan the flame of giving, but only this time more intentional and heartfelt than usual. God be with us!